Extreme demands are hitting us from every side in this fast paced society, causing negativity to take over our life and our marriage.
From over 30 years of love and marriage research with thousands of happily married couples around the world, we have discovered the techniques these great couples use to jolt their marriage out of a negative rut. Here are the 5 ways you turn the negative atmosphere into a positive one in your marriage:
1. Take an honest look at what YOU could do differently to improve your marriage. Could you spend more time with your spouse, or take more interest in their hobbies, or stop pointing out their weaknesses or talk more openly about what is bothering you?
2. Repair your spirit and your balance. Take the steps to get healthy mentally and physically. You can’t turn off the negativity when you are in an unhealthy state. You need to heal yourself first.
3. When dealing with a marital crisis avoid saying:
- It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad or your child gets in trouble at school. Blame doesn’t work!
- I told you so! These four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages.
- Saying “I am upset with you about this or that . . .” in a public setting.
- Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength.
- Ask for your spouse’s opinion and then do the opposite.
4. Successful couples build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis. Begin your interactions with positive comments. Comment on something your spouse has done that was good, helpful or kind. Notice the small things and make a nice comment about them. If your spouse begins a conversation with a negative comment or is upset, don’t jump down their throat with a negative response. Bite your tongue and wait to comment until you can turn your thoughts into a positive comment. It is amazing how often an entire conversation can be changed with a positive comment.
5. Appreciate what you have! If you have good health, a place to live, or a job, you already have more than most people in the world. Focus on the positives. Talk openly about them. Your happiness will begin putting the spark back in the relationship.
Remember, getting out of a negative spiral begins with one positive action, then another, until a habit of positive actions is built in your relationship.
In love and marriage the simple things matter. Love well!
Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our Simple Things Matter blog suggests you are highly interested in making your marriage work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put their marriage advice into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts.
**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.
By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts