Sandra Bullock betrayed by Jesse James

We saw a headline today that caused us to wonder why so many so-called “marriage counselors” give such bad advice to people. The recent marital problems involving the well-known actress, Sandra Bullock, have been plastered all over the news services over the past few days, but here is the headline from the NYDailyNews.com that got us riled – “Sandy still can save it! Sandra Bullock must fight to salvage marriage to Jesse James, experts say.” Oh, really??

First, it was Sandra’s husband that cheated on her with a tattoo artist! Why would the story highlight be what SHE has to do to save her marriage? Good question, huh?

We love this quote from the article – “The ugly public revelations that husband Jesse James cheated on Bullock are painful but not fatal for the couple’s reeling relationship.” Again – oh, really?? Says who?

Well, it seems that psychologist Dr. Robin Newman and marriage counselor Dr. Flo Rosoff believe that Sandra can save her marriage to Jesse James. We think they are both wrong and wrong-headed!

The ultimate betrayal of the one you say you love is almost always an unrecoverable act! Writers, therapists, counselors, and psychologists who suggest otherwise are not only fooling themselves, they are misleading those they purport to represent.

Sandra Bullock may choose to try and save her marriage to Jesse James, but the likelihood of her succeeding is pretty close to zero. Trust is at the very heart of a successful marriage. Destroy the trust, destroy the marriage. It really is that simple.

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter

Five things you should NEVER say to your spouse

Just as important as saying the right thing to the one you love is to avoid saying statements that have the potential to destroy the foundation of the relationship. Saying just one wrong thing can negate an entire day of good statements and actions. Negative and hurtful statements can have the power to cut through the very fabric of the bond between two people in love.

Here are those five things you should NEVER say to your spouse:

1. It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad, one of your children gets in trouble at school, or some household calamity occurs. And know this – things do go bad from time to time in any relationship. Decisions turn out wrong. Stuff happens! But the blame game never works! It alienates. It divides. It most certainly undermines trust and openness in your relationship.
2. I told you so! Trust us on this – these four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages. This kind of “comeuppance” has no place in a loving relationship. There is no need to remind your spouse that you were right about something and they were wrong. Talk about wasted criticism!
3. Saying “I am upset with you about this or that . . . .” in a public setting. Telling private secrets or criticizing your spouse in public or to someone else can do permanent damage to the trust in your relationship. True or not – it doesn’t matter. Keep private things private.
4. Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength. This habit can send a relationship into a downward spiral if weaknesses are pointed out and commented upon. Success does breed success. Stick with the strengths and don’t focus on weakness.
5. Ask for your spouse’s opinion and then do the opposite. We have heard from many angry divorced or almost divorced couples that this is the greatest indicator of “disrespect.” If you ask where your spouse wants to go to dinner and he/she suggests a couple of places, then you select a different one, by your actions you said, “I do not respect your opinion and don’t care what you think!”

Since saying negative or hurtful things can be damaging to a loving relationship, it is wise to take extra caution before engaging your mouth when these negative thoughts come into your mind.

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter

What to say to the one you love

Over the years we have heard advice from thousands of successfully married couples regarding the five things you should say to your spouse everyday and the five things you should never say to your spouse!

First, the positive. The five things you should say to your spouse everyday:

1. I love you. These are the three favorite words of every spouse. It is a simple, direct, powerful, and highly meaningful statement. And don’t fall into the trap of so many couples who say, “Oh, I don’t need to tell him/her I love him/her. He/she knows I do. You still must still tell them multiple times each and every day.
2. I am so lucky to be married to you! If you want to touch the heartstrings of the one you love, tell them this. Just imagine, being reminded every day that you are a blessing to the one you share your life with.
3. You look beautiful (handsome)! There is a major truth we have learned over the years – successfully married couples really do find each other attractive. And you know why – because they look for the most positive characteristics in each other in both a psychological as well as a physical sense. Telling each other this daily is a powerful statement of love.
4. I would like your opinion about this or that. Successfully married couples have great admiration and respect for each other. They value each other’s opinions. Their most trusted advisor in life is their spouse. Ask their opinion and acknowledge their wisdom. They will love you for it.
5. And finally, everyday of your life with the one you love, point out one of their strengths. Try this – “Sweetheart, did I ever tell you how much I admire the positive way you treat others?” Or, “Honey, you have such wonderful taste in clothes!” Make sure the strength you highlight is a true strength, but each and every day, highlight one or more of the strengths of your soul-mate.

In our next blog we will give you the five things you should never say. If you can’t wait, here is a link to the Five Things You Should Never Say to Your Spouse

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter