On a recent morning TV show a guest offered the following piece of “scientific fact” – “A woman will test the loyalty of her man each and every day!” Oh, really?
As love and marriage experts for over three decades, we have NEVER had one single successfully married couple express this to us during our interviews. Not one! Where does this stuff come from?
In fact, we would offer that in successful love and marriage, the contrary perspective has much more credibility—those truly in love rarely, if ever, test their mates in this fashion.
The bookstore shelves are full of negative and inaccurate information about love and marriage, and what many counselors and psychologists learn about dysfunctional relationships in their private practice, often bears little relationship to the reality of successful relationships.
So what is the truth? First of all, at the heart of a successful relationship is trust. In Building a Love that Lasts, we have a chapter which reports our findings related to trust, honesty, and character in a successful marriage. Over all the years we have been doing our research across cultures and continents (seven continents and 48 countries), we have never heard these couples talk about how they “test” each other “each and every day.” In fact, the evidence we have collected would suggest just the opposite—they trust each other so much that they NEVER have to test their loyalty for each other!
The sad truth is, many writers and so-called “love and marriage experts” are more interested in getting on television and radio with their crazy notions—so interested in making a name for themselves that they will say anything to support their perspective, irrespective of the truth. It seems that being famous for some has become more important than reporting the truth.
Here is what we know—people who are truly in love and who are engaged in a successful and loving relationship, do not have to “test” each other. They know that their love is total, honest, and complete. They take their mutual love as a fait accompli. Their love for each other will stand the test of time. Engaging in silly games about love is not their cup of tea.
By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy.
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