Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Stop Thinking About Your Meaningful Life and Start Living It

January 12, 2016

Couple on bicycle in field

Live the lessons:  It matters how you live your life!

How you live your life matters! It matters to you and the ones you love.

Philosophers throughout history have provided guidance and theories about the importance of living worthwhile lives. But philosophers talk in vast generalities instead of providing helpful lessons that can be modeled.

After hearing yet another speaker philosophically expound about the importance of living a good life without providing any lessons, we were inspired to write this article about the “Ten Lessons of Life and Love.”  Always remember—inspiration often comes from those you disagree with.

We are pleased to share our “Ten Lessons About Life and Love” with you today. Here they are:

  1. Each day you wake up, remind yourself of your dreams and the dreams of the one you love. It is highly important to have dreams. Dreams remind you of what is important to you, what you value, and what you are motivated to strive for each and every day. A day without a dream is, for most people, a bad day.Charley’s life experience of growing up poor in a small rural farming community of central Missouri without, as his Mother used to say, “A pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of,” reminds us of the power of a dream! Frankly, we cannot imagine where our lives would be if we didn’t have dreams of achieving something far beyond what might have been imaginable to most kids growing up in small towns and in big cities.
  1. Seek happiness in your life. Make your happiness and the happiness of the one you love, a major life goal.As love and marriage researchers, we have interviewed thousands of successfully married couples in all 50 USA states, 50 countries, 9  Canadian Provinces, and on all Seven Continents of the world over these past 33+ years. All these marvelous couples want nothing more than to secure happiness.

    Happiness is, in fact, a goal for most people, as it should be. Being happy in life is the goal of rational people. Never forget that!

  1. Success in life and love has almost nothing to do with luck. Our love and marriage work together over these past three-plus decades suggests that there is no such thing as luck! Is education luck? Is the development of good moral character luck? Is working three jobs to provide for your family luck? Is marrying the right person luck? Is having a steady job that pays a livable wage luck?Our answer to these questions is a resounding, NO! To suggest that life is all about luck is to minimize all of the hard work done by folks day in and day out to secure a better future. We have a lot of faith in human beings to work hard to achieve the success they desire. Success has little to do with luck.
  1. Who you love and want to spend your life with defines who you are as a person. Making decisions about whom you want to love, marry, and spend your life with, speaks volumes about your personhood. Do not make these decisions lightly. People are always defined by what they love. Love well. Love the right person.Analyze very carefully your decision before you make it, but understand this—loving and marrying the right person might very well be the most important decision you will make in your life. Do not make this decision lightly.
  1. Good health is, for most people, the secret to a happy life. Let’s be clear, doing the things that are required for a healthy mind and body are prerequisites to healthy life and love.As we have written in several books, articles, and blogs over the years, one of the Seven Secrets of a Successful Marriage is this, “long-time successfully married couples care about each other’s health and do their best to promote good health in each other. They know that the way you emote, your level of anxiety, your productivity, and your ability to engage in a loving relationship, are all affected by what you put into your mouth (or do not!) and how you maintain the health of your body—both mentally and physically. Successfully married couples long ago recognized that you must manage your mind and mood through food, exercise, and healthy living.”
  1. Every day of your life engage in an act of kindness! Be nice to those you meet. Give a compliment or two. Over-tip the waitress or waiter. Wave a person at the supermarket through the cross walk in front of you. Let someone with a smaller cart of groceries go ahead of you in line. Return ugliness from someone with a smile and a “Have a nice day!”The simple truth is this—people are measured by how they react to adversity, how they react to those who are unkind. It is easy to engage in “road rage.” It is far harder to control yourself when offended, chastised, belittled, and treated unfairly. As the British might say, “Stiffen that upper-lip!” Or as our mother’s used to say, “It’s okay to turn the other cheek.”

    Life is full of confrontations between nice people and ugly people. Make it your goal to be a good person—a decent person—a nice person. Your life and the lives of those you love will be happier because of it.

  1. Always be open to diverse points of view. Always be willing to listen to and consider a point of view different from your own. Let’s face it, it’s easy to get angry when someone doesn’t agree with us. In modern America, it is increasingly difficult to have civil conversations.  Too many people’s mantra is, “My way or the highway.” Compromise is seemingly a thing of the past.As Charley’s mother used to say, “Life is too short!” What she meant should be clear—if you spend your life arguing about everything—if you spend your life rejecting outright the points of views of others—you will be a miserable human being. Try your best to talk less and listen more to others. It is impossible to hear the messages of others if you do all the talking.
  1. Don’t be a bully! The intimidation of others is a bad thing. Respecting those who have less power than you is a good thing. Don’t ever be guilty of shouting down another human being.  It should be clear—life and love is a lot more fun when you treat others with respect.Here’s the truth—if you don’t respect the opinions of the one you purport to love—if you shout down the opinions of others—if you try to bully others into submission—you will ultimately lose in the game of life. Trust us—nobody likes a bully!!
  1. Live your life as an inspiration to others. Be a positive role model—be a teacher. Great teachers inspire, they offer insights, they make us laugh and cry, they change our lives in meaningful and measurable ways, and they make us better people. We have spent over four decades each in our respective lives, being teachers.At the start of each day of your life dedicate yourself to being a person who wants to inspire others, who offers insights into life, who wants to help others, and who wants to share the knowledge they possess with others. Teachers care. You should care! Share your love, share your knowledge, share “things that matter” in life.
  1. Life is a journey—be engaged. Charley’s mother used to say, “If you woke up this morning you knew it was the start of a good day!” In many ways, life is like a baseball game. There is no clock. The game of life for the most part has no seasons.One inning of life leads to another and sometimes you win the game, sometimes you lose, sometimes you go into “extra innings.” No matter what the outcome, you play the game—for better or worse. In life and love it is important that you play the game—get involved—take advantage of each day of your life. Be engaged in life. Be engaged in love. There is nothing like it.

These are the lessons of life and love. Get engaged today. You won’t regret it.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts


On the verge of having been married for 50 years, the Doctors give advice that you know you can trust.

Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy—the latest multiple award winning book by the Doctors.

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Is Your Dog Interfering With Your Relationship?

December 20, 2015

couple strolling in woods with dog

While dogs can enhance the relationships of successfully married couples, those four-legged friends can also interfere with a budding relationship that isn’t fully established. Here are four ways dogs can disrupt your happy relationship:

  1. A pooch can ruin your sex life. You love your pooch to pieces but when a 100-pound Golden Retriever wants to get in bed between you, it definitely hampers your romantic inclinations. Finding ways to train your dog to only enter your bed when you want him there goes a long way in solving this dilemma.
  1. You obsessively love your pooch. Doting on your dog and his needs instead of fostering your relationship interferes with building the deep bonds needed for a lasting love.
  1. Your dog may act jealous of your affection for each other. Avoid being overly concerned with the jealous reactions of your dog. Instead, encourage your love to lavish attention on your pooch, so your pet doesn’t feel slighted and looks forward to the extra attention that comes when your partner is with you.
  1. Your new love doesn’t like your dog. It becomes a definite problem if your mate starts picking on your dog by pushing or kicking your dog away and stating, “Get away from me, you’re messing up my pants.” Trying to have a serious lasting relationship with a non-dog lover can create enormous challenges. Remember, dogs have an intuitive sense about people. If your mate says he or she is a dog lover and your dog gurgles, continues to bark or growl, or hides, it’s important to take note. That action may truly be one of the best character references you’ll ever get!

Many dog owners in search of true love want to find a mate who is a dog lover as well. Pets can serve as important sources of social and emotional support, so it’s usually a deal breaker if the other person doesn’t like or get along with your dog.

It’s important to observe how your new love interest treats and talks to dogs that are not yours. A true dog lover will treat all dogs with respect and love, not just your dog because he or she wants to win you over!

May you find the love of your life, who also loves the dog in your life. If you do, your life will be greatly enhanced.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts


On the verge of having been married for 50 years, the Doctors give advice that you know you can trust.

Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy—the latest multiple award winning book by the Doctors.

Is Marriage The Answer To A Long And Happy Life?

August 29, 2015

Marriage Experts talk about Marriage and Long Life

A lengthy review of the current marriage research, including our own over 34 years of research, demonstrates that finding the right lifelong partner can be one of the smartest moves a person can make.

The top 5 reasons you might want to find a life mate:

  1. You will live longer if you get married. It is just that simple. One highly regarded study concluded that a man who is married lives an average of 10 years longer while a woman lives an average of 4 years longer than an unmarried person. What an incentive to find a mate for life!
  2. You will be happier and feel better about yourself if you are married. A multitude of studies demonstrate that married people report being happier and more balanced than unmarried people. People in stable relationship have higher levels of psychological health, including lower rates of mental illness, depression and schizophrenia than unmarried people. Research indicates that individuals in a marriage feel supported, saying that they always have someone they trust to confide in and to lean on in times of need.
  3. You will be healthier if you get married. The links between marriage and good physical health are overwhelming in a great number of research studies throughout the world since 1987. Married individuals have lower rates of serious illness and are less likely to die in hospitals than unmarried individuals. Numerous studies indicate that people who are married are less likely than unmarried persons to engage in risky behaviors including the use of drugs or alcohol because of their feelings of responsibility.
  4. You will have a greater income. Numerous studies found that a married person’s earnings are significantly greater than unmarried person’s earnings. Even taking all of the various possible factors into consideration including spousal earnings, the results of the vast majority of studies still demonstrate greater earnings for married individuals than for unmarried ones.
  5. You will have sex more often and enjoy it more. Married couples report a greater satisfaction with sex then their unmarried counterparts. Married couples also have sexual intimacy more often than unmarried couples.

A number of marriage researchers across the globe, including us, have suggested that divorce decrees should carry the warning label, “Not being married can be hazardous to your health.”

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

For more tips to enhance your relationship visit SimpleThingsMatter.com and get the best-selling and multiple award-winning book, Building a Love that Lasts.  Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy.

Stop! Don’t Marry Him

April 5, 2015
Don't Marry Him by American's Love and Marriage Experts

Don’t Marry Him

He seems like the perfect prince charming. But 7 warning signs tell you to STOP—You’ll NEVER change these 7 things about him.

You think you are totally in love with the guy. You even think he’s marriage material. He says all the right things, but over time … you begin to notice that his actions don’t match his words. He tells you that he respects you, but dismisses your opinions. He claims he wants a shared relationship, but then he makes all the decisions.

Sorry, ladies … these are the behaviors of a “loser.”

After more than 33 years of marriage research conducted around the world, we’ve learned that ignoring the warning signs of a loser comes at great risk to your health, happiness, and welfare. Heed the warning signs … before it’s too late.

Our favorite questions for a woman whose marriage has failed are: “Why? … What went wrong? Why do you think your marriage failed?” The answer is almost always the same: “I thought I could fix him.”

There is one truth you can take to the bank, and that is: you CANNOT change a man! Either accept him the way he is—warts and all—or move on.

Remember, personalities are well established by the early to late teen years (some even say by age 7). If you think you can change him, you are potentially setting yourself up for an unsatisfying and failed relationship.

The seven telltale behaviors that our marriage research reveals you cannot change or fix in the man you are thinking about marrying:

  1. His controlling behavior is a constant occurrence. We often hear women say to us, “He always wants control,” or, “If I want to go to movie X, he buys tickets for movie Y.” When your guy exhibits behaviors that telegraph he clearly wants complete control of your relationship, be very wary. A true loving relationship does not have bosses.

 Here is the link to the other six warning signs that say STOP don’t marry him!

For more tips to enhance your relationship visit SimpleThingsMatter.com and get the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy – the latest multiple award winning book by the Doctors.

The Simple Test For Knowing If He Truly Loves You

February 3, 2015

Couple by river with flowerThe honest truth is this – there is a simple way you can know in your heart of hearts if your man truly loves you. Finding out if he loves you is not complicated and it is not an intellectual exercise. It can be answered by asking yourself seven simple questions.

And let’s face it, every woman wants to know if her man’s love is the real thing. Knowing the answer to that important question is critical to making future decisions about the relationship.

Here is the test of true love. Does your relationship measure up?

  1. Does he ALWAYS treat you with respect?If his respect for you is inconsistent or only occurs sparingly, your relationship cannot flourish. In love, you cannot pick and choose the time and place to be kind, considerate, and respectful. Being considerate and respectful one day and rude and inconsiderate the next is not an option. Your partner either is all of these things or he is not. It’s really that simple.
  2. Do his actions match his words?We all know the axiom “actions speak louder than words”. To know if he really loves you, you only need to observe his behavior. Does he talk to you with affection, care, and respect, but then bumps you out of the way when you order lunch or dinner? Does he tell you how much he loves you, but ignores you completely when you tell him what you would like to do that day?The truth is, actions really do speak louder than words! Never fool yourself into thinking that his actions don’t matter. Put simply—he IS what he does! Ignore this notion at your peril, because it is actually the best test of whether he is capable of really loving you.
  3. Are you an equal partner?When someone really loves you, they treat you as an equal partner—as a person with an equal voice (and equal value) in your relationship. If he makes all of the significant decisions in your relationship and expects you to follow his directives as a second-class citizen, then he does NOT really love you. In a successful marriage both partners share equally in the relationship.
  4. Can you trust him with your life and sacred honor?Can you honestly say, “I trust him more that life itself?” Is your trust in him unequivocal and honestly without hesitation? Bottom line—one of the underlying qualities of a great marriage is complete trust in each other. If you don’t trust your man without question, then you really need to reconsider any long-term relationship with him.
  5. Does he tell you he loves you?Does he do declare his love and adoration for you often and without prodding? Does his love for you come naturally and consistently? When you love someone, you tell them. And don’t fall for that old line that goes like this, “I don’t need to tell her I love her because she knows.” This notion is just plain wrong! You need to hear it (we all do). If he doesn’t tell you that he loves you, then your relationship has a problem.
  6. Can he imagine life without you?When you are in love, you cannot imagine life without the one you love! So try this question on him, “Honey, do you love me more than life itself? Can you imagine life without me?” If his answers make you wonder about the depth of his commitment to you, he doesn’t truly love you.After over 32 years of researching love and marriage throughout the world, one thing we know for sure is that someone in love cannot envision a life without their someone special. If your guy suggests otherwise, he is not the man you should commit your life to.
  7. Is he ALWAYS there for you?
    In the end, a man who really loves you will always be there for you through the good times and the bad, through thick and thin. Love has no conditions. A man deeply in love with a woman wants her when she is at her best or her worst. And being there for you is something he does in a way that makes you feel good (versus feeling guilty). He makes you excited about where your relationship is going. He raises you higher than you could ever be without him.You deserve true love. The measure of his love for you is always about consistency … in his words and behavior. If he really loves you, he will meet the Seven Tests of True Love. If he can’t pass this test, then you need to reconsider how true his love actually is. If he does pass the test, go hug that man (you’ve got a keeper!). Either way, know that a love you can trust and count on is the type of love you deserve.

For more tips to enhance your relationship visit SimpleThingsMatter.com and get the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts. Available wherever books are sold.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy – the latest multiple award winning book by the Doctors.

Marrying the Right Guy is Easier Than You Think

April 16, 2014

Marry the Right Guy by America's Love and Marriage Experts

Did you ever wonder why some women find the perfect guy to marry, do so, and enjoy a love affair that lasts a lifetime? Yet, some women marry a guy that is wrong for them now, wrong for them tomorrow, and wrong for them for a lifetime? What’s the difference? Why do some women succeed at love and marriage when others fail?

When it comes to love and marriage, there is a truism that trumps all truisms. It goes like this – pay close and careful attention to the words, deeds, and actions of the guy you think you are falling in love with. And in the end, pay most of your attention to his actions, first and foremost! The truth is a guy’s actions speak so much louder than his words.

One of the questions we are asked most often by women as we travel the world discussing our work and conducting our marriage interviews is this: “What are the secrets of a successful marriage?” Our immediate answer is always the same – marry the right guy in the first place!

On the surface this may seem like a flippant answer to such a serious question, but it isn’t really.   If a woman who thinks she is falling in love with a guy would pay more attention to his actions and not the words, she wouldn’t miss the telltale signs.

Here’s how it works. You think you love a guy. He tells you all of the right things. But over time you begin to notice that his actions belie his words. He tells you he respects you but dismisses your opinions. He waxes on about how he puts you on a pedestal but never opens the door for you when he gets to it first. He tells you how he wants the relationship between the two of you a shared relationship, and then he makes all the decisions. You get the idea. We could go on.

The point is this – if you fail to notice and question the actions of the one you purport to love in the early stages of your relationship then you are deluding yourself into thinking he will change later on. Guys rarely do. And so often, women who ignore the warning signs end up getting married, only to discover later on that the guy they married is not who they thought he was. All too often we hear a woman lament to us that if she had only paid attention to the telltale signs, she would not have married the person she married. Many of these relationships end in divorce.

We don’t mean to suggest that it is always easy to tell if the one you think you love is one you can have a successful marriage with. We do, however, believe strongly that you will know what to look for if you take the Marry the Right Guy Quiz and use the 33 indicators to predict a great husband included in How to Marry the Right Guy.

If you consciously and rationally believe that the words, deeds, and actions of the guy you are thinking of marrying are consistent and he passes all of 33 indicators predicting that he will be a successful husband, then your marriage has a great chance for success.

By Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Discover what happily married women know about what makes a man marriage material and learn other revealing truths in How to Marry the Right Guy.

**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.