Watch the non-verbal messages

Pay particular attention to non-verbal messages from your spouse. Our body language can sometimes tell more than the words that are spoken. Take the time to notice your spouse’s body language to see if it matches the verbal messages they are giving you. If it doesn’t match, ask your spouse if that is how he or she really feels about the subject. Misunderstanding leads to further misunderstanding. Clear up any problems immediately. Don’t let them build up. If you thought you understood something that was said, and it proves to be wrong, go back and clarify it right away.

Five things you should NEVER say to your spouse

Just as important as saying the right thing to the one you love is to avoid saying statements that have the potential to destroy the foundation of the relationship. Saying just one wrong thing can negate an entire day of good statements and actions. Negative and hurtful statements can have the power to cut through the very fabric of the bond between two people in love.

Here are those five things you should NEVER say to your spouse:

1. It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad, one of your children gets in trouble at school, or some household calamity occurs. And know this – things do go bad from time to time in any relationship. Decisions turn out wrong. Stuff happens! But the blame game never works! It alienates. It divides. It most certainly undermines trust and openness in your relationship.
2. I told you so! Trust us on this – these four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages. This kind of “comeuppance” has no place in a loving relationship. There is no need to remind your spouse that you were right about something and they were wrong. Talk about wasted criticism!
3. Saying “I am upset with you about this or that . . . .” in a public setting. Telling private secrets or criticizing your spouse in public or to someone else can do permanent damage to the trust in your relationship. True or not – it doesn’t matter. Keep private things private.
4. Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength. This habit can send a relationship into a downward spiral if weaknesses are pointed out and commented upon. Success does breed success. Stick with the strengths and don’t focus on weakness.
5. Ask for your spouse’s opinion and then do the opposite. We have heard from many angry divorced or almost divorced couples that this is the greatest indicator of “disrespect.” If you ask where your spouse wants to go to dinner and he/she suggests a couple of places, then you select a different one, by your actions you said, “I do not respect your opinion and don’t care what you think!”

Since saying negative or hurtful things can be damaging to a loving relationship, it is wise to take extra caution before engaging your mouth when these negative thoughts come into your mind.

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter

Communication in marriage

The “heart of the matter” is this – successfully married couples report a high level of satisfaction with the way they communicate with each other, and they attribute their marital success first and foremost to the fact that they have honed their communication skills over time.

These couples report that they never felt invalidated by their spouse, that they always felt their arguments were heard, and that their opinions always mattered.  Learn the simple lessons of communication that these wonderful couples have taught us – and have now taught you!

Simple things matter in love and marriage.   Love well.

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter