Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Problems’

Top 5 Mistakes Newlyweds Can Avoid Making

January 15, 2014
Tips for newlyweds by America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts

Mistakes Newlyweds Make

Sometimes newlyweds make mistakes that could have been easily avoided.  But, so much of marriage advice today is too complicated, too pie-in-the-sky, and too out of touch with contemporary marriage.  In the end, the best advice we have learned over the years for newlyweds is like our recurring message – simple things matter in love and marriage!

As love and marriage experts, our research has revealed the top 5 mistakes newlyweds should NEVER make:

1.  Never go to bed mad at each other.  Going to bed angry is toxic!  This is the number one piece of advice from successfully married couples around the world. Don’t listen to the “so called experts” who say you can sleep on it and talk about it in the morning when you are calmer.  This is just NOT true!

2.  Don’t tally or keep score of wins and losses.  There are no winners and losers in a great marriage.  “Keeping score” or holding grudges is NOT OK. You shouldn’t cast blame when things go wrong.  Don’t be afraid to argue and debate an issue.  Just remember to fight fair and learn to argue effectively.

3.  Don’t mount up a “butt load” of debt when you first get married.  Wracking up too much debt is pure poison when it comes to your marriage. Keep the use of credit cards under control.  The single greatest cause of divorce and marital discourse is money.

4.  Don’t assume that marriage is fair, just, and beautiful all the time.  Just like life, marriage comes with its ups and downs.  If you go into marriage believing it will be like a Hollywood movie with roses, sunshine, and no responsibilities, you are in for a big disappointment.  Every successful marriage has to deal with setbacks.

5.  Never lie to your spouse or make promises you cannot keep.  Little white lies and broken promises erode the glue that holds marriages together.  Even small lies can form a habit of dishonesty in your relationship.  Trust is the foundation of any lasting relationship.

Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do. Your visiting our blog suggests you are highly interested in making your marriage work! And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage. In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put them into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts.

**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.

By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1
 Love and Marriage Experts

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How to Fall in Love with Your Spouse Again

November 14, 2013
Love and Marriage Experts

Fall In Love With Your Spouse

The simple truth is, sometimes we need to fall in love with your spouse all over again!  When your marriage starts to stagnate, when it starts to suffer from the doldrums, and when it needs resuscitation, rest assured, there are five actions you can take to bring your marriage back:

1.  Engage in a process that allows you to re-establish the communication links between the two of you.  We suggest that you start with these three questions:  1. Why did we fall in love?  2. Why did we get married?  3. What are our hopes and dreams for the future?  The communicative links between the two of you are highly important and no love, no marriage, and no relationship will ever be jump-started again without the re-establishment of the communicative ties that bind.  Try getting started with programs like our “Seven-Week Program for Developing Ongoing Sharing in Your Marriage” in Building a Love that Lasts:  The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage.

Read the entire article, Fall In Love With Your Spouse Again, to learn the other four actions you can take

**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.

By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1
 Love and Marriage Experts

5 Ways To Stop Negativity In Your Marriage

May 15, 2013

Love and Marriage Experts talk about moving from negative to positive

Extreme demands are hitting us from every side in this fast paced society, causing negativity to take over our life and our marriage.

From over 30 years of love and marriage research with thousands of happily married couples around the world, we have discovered the techniques these great couples use to jolt their marriage out of a negative rut.  Here are the 5 ways you turn the negative atmosphere into a positive one in your marriage:

1.  Take an honest look at what YOU could do differently to improve your marriage.  Could you spend more time with your spouse, or take more interest in their hobbies, or stop pointing out their weaknesses or talk more openly about what is bothering you?

2.  Repair your spirit and your balance.  Take the steps to get healthy mentally and physically.  You can’t turn off the negativity when you are in an unhealthy state.  You need to heal yourself first.

3.  When dealing with a marital crisis avoid saying:

  • It’s your fault! Sometimes, a financial decision goes bad or your child gets in trouble at school.  Blame doesn’t work!
  • I told you so! These four words are rarely ever used in successful marriages.
  • Saying “I am upset with you about this or that . . .” in a public setting.
  • Why do you always . . . Focusing on your spouse’s weakness rather than building on their strengths will only increase their weakness and diminish their strength.
  • Ask for your spouse’s opinion and then do the opposite.

4.  Successful couples build positive interactions with each other on a daily basis.  Begin your interactions with positive comments.  Comment on something your spouse has done that was good, helpful or kind.  Notice the small things and make a nice comment about them.  If your spouse begins a conversation with a negative comment or is upset, don’t jump down their throat with a negative response.  Bite your tongue and wait to comment until you can turn your thoughts into a positive comment.  It is amazing how often an entire conversation can be changed with a positive comment.

5.  Appreciate what you have!  If you have good health, a place to live, or a job, you already have more than most people in the world.  Focus on the positives.  Talk openly about them.  Your happiness will begin putting the spark back in the relationship.

Remember, getting out of a negative spiral begins with one positive action, then another, until a habit of positive actions is built in your relationship.

In love and marriage the simple things matter.  Love well!

Creating a successful marriage is not always the easiest thing to do.  Your visiting our Simple Things Matter blog suggests you are highly interested in making your marriage work!  And truthfully, we have learned over 30 years of marriage research that there are proven effective ways to ensure a happy and healthy marriage.  In fact, we took hundreds of tips from the thousands of happy couples we interviewed and put their marriage advice into our award-winning and bestselling book, Building a Love that Lasts.

**Today, you can see how you stack up to the best marriages around the world. Take the Marriage Quiz to assess your chances of achieving a successful marriage of your own.

By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1
 Love and Marriage Experts

Is the Seven-Year Itch Real in Marriage?

May 29, 2012

Seven Year Itch is Real

According to the available research evidence, there are several periods in a marriage that seem, on average, to be particularly troublesome – the first year, the seventh year, the fifteenth year, and the 30th year.  Marriages that survive and thrive beyond 30 years have virtually no chance of ending in divorce!

Our focus in this article is the Seven-Year Itch, so widely reported in the popular media.  Data from the U.S. Census Bureau would suggest that the Seven-Year Itch is, in fact, real.

Some of the most interesting facts about marriage and divorce have come from the U.S. Census Bureau.

Several years ago, the Census Bureau issued a press release entitled “Most People Make Only One Trip Down the Aisle, But First Marriages Shorter.”  The fact reported in the press release that piqued our interest the most was:  “On average, first marriages that end in divorce last about eight years.”  This is the phenomenon often called the “Seven-Year Itch.”

The more basic question is, how do you stay faithful to the one you love and keep your loving relationship healthy and strong so it survives.  We offer these seven tips to help you avoid the Seven-Year Itch and become one of those couples building a love that lasts:

1.   Understand that the occasional temptation to betray the trust of the one you love through infatuation with another person is a perfectly normal feeling when it comes to love and marriage.  Being infatuated with another person doesn’t make you less human.  Accept that these feelings are natural.

2.  Actually acting on the feelings of infatuation and temptation impulses is not normal and destroys the underlying foundation of a marriage.  Take time to fully think through the consequences before you make that choice.  There is no mistake about it, cheating on your spouse is deadly to the trust in your relationship.

3.  Recognize that continuing and recurring fantasies and infatuations about another person is a strong indicator of something amiss in your relationship with your spouse.

4.  The “turn the corner rule”—is to address the issue head-on with your loving partner.  Failure to do so will doom your relationship to the ash-heap of lost love.

5. Love takes hard work.  Frankly, sometimes you determine that your loving relationship is lost.  But more likely, you discover that you truly love your spouse. You must save this relationship by committing to the hard work it will take to rebuild the love.

6.  Seek help!  Sometimes couples turn to a marriage counselor.  Others learn how to make their relationship work by reading what others, including us, have discovered.  You can learn so much about your relationship by “discovering” what others have already learned!

7.  Sometimes you have to “fish or cut bait.”  The reality is that some marriages cannot be saved.  But hopefully an examination will reveal your relationship is worth saving.  You should always work towards that end if you are to avoid the Seven-Year Itch.

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter

Seven Warning Signs of Marriage Problems

September 22, 2011

Marriage Problems - Marriage Advice During our many radio and television interviews over the years we are often asked this simple question – “How will I know my marriage is in trouble?’ Our research has identified the answer to this very important. Here are the Seven Telltale Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble:

1. You fight and argue much more often than before and do so unfairly.

Fact is, you have nothing nice to say to or about each other anymore. You love to nitpick at each other. Your teasing isn’t fun – it is now painful and hurtful. You use each other as a personal pincushion!

Sadly, your arguments are repeatedly about the same subjects. You are increasingly critical of each other, you fight constantly, and you no longer fight fair.

As we have said many times before – it is okay to argue – all successfully married couples do – but the truth is this, successfully married couples have learned how to fight fair. Their arguments do not become personal and attack oriented.

2. One or both of you show increasing disrespect for each other.

In failing marriages, there are growing signs of disrespect. Resentment and contempt have replaced patience and love. You go out of your way to avoid being together.

And sadly, when you are away from your spouse you are happier than when you are with them. Having fun with your mate seems to be a thing of the past.

When mutual respect and understanding fail, your marriage is well on the way to its end. Make no mistake about that.

To see the other five warning signs that your marriage is in trouble, see the entire article: Seven Warning Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble

By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more marriage advice visit their website Simple Things Matter